You didn’t burn the beer

31 year old artist Eli Rezkallah has made an artwork called “In a parallel universe” where he has changed the women to men in some (brutal) gender typical ads from the 20s.

Some things change and some things don’t..

Source: buzzfeed

A little bit of mooning

There are several interesting challenges with living in the ME. Some stuff are really interesting and some thing I would describe with a whole other set of adjectives. It all comes with the expat package. Getting used to sand everywhere is one thing and learning how to be extremely spontaneous is another one. When I tell people that we plan our vacations depending on the moon they usually don’t believe me but this is actually the reality.

After several years in the Middle East region I have learnt that the moon is my friend and that I have to patiently wait for him to show his face in a way that remind me of the beginning of a date night with my husband. Will he be ready to come out today? Or will it be tomorrow? Will he be full or half? Thankfully my husband always shows up in full.

Most planning looks like above. Doesn’t matter if it’s corporate or a school, you won’t know your holidays until a few days before. And you thought it was difficult to plan vacation every year? Try booking a trip over the Eid celebration (holidays after Ramadan) which is usually three days, when you don’t know when they will fall exactly. You might be lucky and you have booked your flight perfectly on the day you are off (the moon is on your side) but if you are not, you better hope you have vacation days left and that your boss will approve them.

The holidays are announced publicly online a day or two before they are suppose to start depending on the lunar sighting.

Vomit on my foot and tell me that you love me

Happy weekend ya’all! Hope it’s relaxing and fun and whatever. Enjoy it while it last. I’m speaking from the future. Mine is already over as we work Sundays to Thursdays in this part of the world. Actually crazy Saudi Arabia has weekends on Thursdays and Fridays.

Yesterday I was hanging out with a little missy that vomited on my foot. It was warm and nice and I took a picture of course. The suspect is in the background. Parents take nice pictures and share. I guess the kind of pictures you sent to each other as couples change through the years. It’s used to be oh, hey look at my ass. Now it’s more Oh, my god babe, did you see this poop explosion she had in the mall. Must be a world record. What’s for dinner tonight? xx.

Golfing elephant?

My colleague told me she was hanging out with her nephews six and eight years old, during Christmas and they had some good conversations. This one was my favorite

Six year old comes running.

Child: listen.. LISTEN .. I got a joke to tell you.

Adult: Cool, tell me.. TELL me.

Child: WHY does the elephant wear two pairs of pants?

Adult: Hmm.. can it be because he has four legs..?

Child: Noooooooo! Its because he has a hole-in-one!

Adult: Ok.. Did you mean to say why does the GOLFER wear two pairs of pants?

Child: Aaah yeah, damn it.

The picture is of someone (ok me..) that felt like an elephant playing golf. I was four months pregnant and felt h u g e. Funny to look back at it now and think that I had no clue how good I looked there and elephant size was about to come. This was more like chubby little dog compared to a few months later.

Happy New (food) year

Happy New Year all! Did you learn anything 2017? No, probably not right. Nothing much more than everyone is stressing about ripples and bitcoin and what else I couldn’t care less about. Everyone is my office is running around like they got fire in their asses, yelling out random numbers, buy…sell… yo, shuv it up your….

I didn’t mean to sound negative but yeah, I did. And I just had a very bad lunch. I normally sit two hours before lunch and fantasize about how good it will be (how sad is this?) and then I ended up with a dry freakin sandwich which made me think it was made in the desert…. oh, wait…. it was.

A few of my colleagues are also comparing tattoos. They are all symbols of something meaningful like a dragon for some Chinese dude (yes, surprise right!), one has a tree that symbolize the state she is from and someone has their flag. I just feel that all tattoos are “taken” BUT if we are all inking symbols then I’m doing a Swedish meatball. Or mint ice cream.

Because food is everything.

Strength you can trust..

Can we discuss these “man sized” tissues that I found today in the store.

I would love to have been in the meeting when Kleenex decided that there was a gap in the tissue market for men.

I have so many questions…

Is it for a giant … man cold? Hands?

Merry Christmas from your Dalmatian

Well hello, my little readers. Are you all set for Christmas or are you stressing around just wishing it was over? I’m definitely ready. I been ready all year. I love Christmas.

This year we are celebrating Christmas in Dubai. Love how this country is a total mess of all religions and celebrations. One day we celebrate Diwali and the other one Ramadan. Now it’s Christmas turn.

Last week we had a neighborhood gathering where we collected money to make sure everyone in the community will get a Christmas dinner. I ended up chatting with two ladies from the Philippines and they asked why pale people are full of brown spots. I said because our grandparents were Dalmatians. Obviously.

Then one lady nicely said that she wish she was fat like me. This already happened to me a few times so I’m not as shocked anymore by this comment. First of all I’m not really overweight so I don’t really care. Secondly they always have an explanation which is not what you would expect so it make the whole situation hilarious. This lady continued with “I wish I was fat like you because when grab your skin I get a chunk of it in my hand. I don’t get that because I don’t have fat”.

All countries to their own I guess… When I went to Uganda I found out that everyone called me “long nose”. I think that’s pretty common to be called as a westerner or maybe I just have to accept the fact that I have a long nose, am fat and have dots like a dog.

Well at least it’s good we don’t all look the same in the world… I’m telling myself while I dress my dog as Santa’s little helper and trying to get her to look like a dog that is cold. She wouldn’t look more miserable even if I tried..

Sankta Lucia

Yesterday was Lucia dagen in Sweden which is an awesome tradition where you walk around in your night gown (as it looks), in the early hours of the morning and scaring people with your un-tuned morning voice.

Click this link to watch a short and fun movie about how we celebrate:

Swedish Lucia for dummies

lucia