The boy of my dreams

He is finally here, the little boy of my dreams. He is absolutely perfect, hairy like a little monkey and farts like an onion infused caveman. The way I like them.

Yesterday he made me very proud by pooping right in to the hands of my husband. I was just thinking to myself, “wow, that’s brave” when my husband undressed him and carried him around naked while I prepared the little bath. First, an innocent fart followed by an “oops” and then he pooped all over my husband who tried to save the situation by holding his hand around babies little butt. The look on someone’s face, when you have your hands covered and full of shit, is priceless. And you just don’t know where to start to save the situation. And it’s so, so painful to laugh when you’ve had a cesarean. But worth it.

Celebrate your pee

When you are an adult (how did that happened?) It’s important to appreciate the small things in life which is easily forgotten. Going to the toilet for example. I would say that’s a pretty cool thing. The body is like “naah, had enough of that” or “too much of this”, “Seriously, another beer? I’m gonna make you suffer”.

Since January we have toilet trained our daughter and it’s been rather interesting. It felt like living on the edge in some kind of adventure movie where you just never know what will come at you every other minute. In one hand a mop and the other a potty and you just repeat “pee?” every second of the waking hour until you think that’s a full sentence. You even greet your husband when he comes out from the bathroom with a “pee, pee?”

The positive thing though is that I get big applause and a high five every time she comes with me to the toilet and I pee. She looks at me with big eyes and when she hears the drops she spins around, yells “yeay” and does a little dance for me. I really enjoy peeing now. I’m so happy someone is happy for me.

Now just need to find someone in the office that does the same thing but they are just not that grateful. Yet.

Kids are awesome

I took the picture from a distance pretending she didn’t belong to me but the next second she was up and running around and laughing again. I just assume toddlers are psychopaths.

Do toes have muscles?

We went to see the ballet Swan Lake on the Dubai Opera this weekend. A few minutes in to the show I realized I didn’t know what I was watching and I had to start google what it was about.

But before that I sat just staring at the dudes in tights. My husband glanced at me and whispered “you know they are wearing some kind of protection right. To make everything look bigger..”. I just told him “ssssh, let me have my moment.” No need to ruin this beautiful act with talking.

At the same time I heard someones child (well done kiddo for staying still for three hours) say rather loud in the audience “mum, why are the men naked”. I can’t blame her. Those tights sure was..tight.

Pinterest.com

Oh, the show? It was great. I think. There were some parts with only ladies when I was actually paying attention. Otherwise I was mainly staring at balls for a few hours.

There is a always a diet that I won’t be on

When you go shopping with your husband and your toddler..

– One of them wants to eat low carbs, high fat, but preferably just bacon and cheese and beer, high chocolate and no excercise. Occasionally a tomato and lots of caffein.

– The other one don’t want to eat anything but breadsticks and watermelon, if I’m lucky. Preferably she just want to chew on paper and her own shoes but hopefully an attentive parent will notice before it goes down. The other day she was on her way to treat herself with some dog food but mostly we are on a hunger streak.

I guess that means that all food is for me. I’m on a high carb, high fat, high and no lows what so ever diet.

My hair is full of snot

Don’t ever let your child go to nursery. Or school. Or leave the house. Lock them up and sanitize them. Create a basement and keep them there.

Sorry, no that’s illegal. Pretty sure some Austrians tried already.

Since our little daughter started nursery full time two months ago, we have been sick 5500 times. She is nice like that. She shares her germs. I think we should send our children to nursery and school with gas masks during flu season.

Also, the little one seems to never get it wrong with the weekend starting. “Oh, weekend?” *starts coughing*. This week I haven’t seen the day light since I came home from work Thursday afternoon (our weekends are Friday – Saturday). But I’m sure she will be well again once next weekend ends.

Can anyone tell me what the sun looks like?

And of course, she just has to to lick my face – aka kisses – more when she is sick. Of course I can’t stop kissing her chubby, sick cheeks but I might as well just have her sneeze in my mouth. Which I’m pretty sure she has done a few times… So she gets sick and then I get sick. I get no medication as I’m growing a human being inside of me. But what goes wrong here? Can we at least be tired and sick at the same time? Can I drug my child when I’m sick so I can rest?

I can’t wait ..

I’m hoping that this post will generate several positive comments from parents of more than one child saying “Oh, it’s a blast! So easy and refreshing. You won’t even notice that there is one more.”

I think the eggs are done

Almost 14 hours ago, I put on the timer on my phone to keep track while boiling my eggs to the perfect level of eggness (new words I need to put in the English dictionary).

How long do you boil yours for a perfect meal? I normally don’t do 14 hours but when I do, someone mysteriously takes them off the stove and ensured we still have a home.