Do I look good as a watermelon?

Things you don’t say in the third trimester:

– I’m so comfortable!

– Please ask me again if there are two in there.

– I just shaved my bikini line.

– Yeay, I dropped something on the floor!

– Who likes Brie cheese and wine anyway?

– I can’t wait to pee again.

– Leggings are not pants.

– I’m going for a run!

– My body is a wonderland.

– So happy the baby is measuring above the curve. I love big heads.

Feel free to add to the list…

Stranger things in my pants

Getting dressed these days is quiet a challenge specially anything that goes below my waist. I only got four weeks left until baby pops (because that’s what he will do…) out. I could just leave it as I can’t really see this part of my body anyway. And if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist..according to scientists.

The other day I was wearing a hairband around my wrist. I managed to get myself in to a pair of panty hoses and was super proud until I felt something super tight on my thigh.

The hairband has transferred itself from my wrist to my thigh. It’s a great place to keep it if you don’t want to lose your hairband but tricky to pull out in a meeting when you suddenly want a pony tail.

Yes, I’m naked on the second picture.

Celebrate your pee

When you are an adult (how did that happened?) It’s important to appreciate the small things in life which is easily forgotten. Going to the toilet for example. I would say that’s a pretty cool thing. The body is like “naah, had enough of that” or “too much of this”, “Seriously, another beer? I’m gonna make you suffer”.

Since January we have toilet trained our daughter and it’s been rather interesting. It felt like living on the edge in some kind of adventure movie where you just never know what will come at you every other minute. In one hand a mop and the other a potty and you just repeat “pee?” every second of the waking hour until you think that’s a full sentence. You even greet your husband when he comes out from the bathroom with a “pee, pee?”

The positive thing though is that I get big applause and a high five every time she comes with me to the toilet and I pee. She looks at me with big eyes and when she hears the drops she spins around, yells “yeay” and does a little dance for me. I really enjoy peeing now. I’m so happy someone is happy for me.

Now just need to find someone in the office that does the same thing but they are just not that grateful. Yet.

Happy New Year!

So we entered the year of the pig according to the Chinese calendar. Happy New Year to everyone celebrating the new Lunar Year. This must mean I have a little baby pig in my belly. Is it just me or did this get you hungry?

Who am I kidding.. Everything gets me hungry right now. I just had a breakfast that could feed a few hungry sailors. It included a Mars bar and some tictac mints. I am a freaking dumpster. Do I care? No! I carry a pig. Leave me alone.

Just a movie and my working day would be complete

I’m pretty sure that my unborn child will have a slight smell of buttery popcorn when he comes out.

This is what my desk at work looks like every afternoon. The days I forget to bring popcorn, my colleagues does it for me. I’m surrounded by feeders.

The ten years challenge

There seem to be a trend on Facebook and Instagram to put two really hot pictures of yourself from today versus ten years ago and then have people act surprised how you didn’t change AT ALL even though you don’t look like that picture and never did.

I took on the challenge anyway. I’m sure this works with balls as well, guys. Just saying. Don’t go all “uh, boobs and breastfeeding” on me. Yeah, those balls are stretched as well! And it’s because you keep on scratching them all the time.

Baby got gas?

I have a new addiction and it’s sparkling water. I’m the worst when it comes to drinking water in general. I’m always dehydrated apparently, without knowing it. If I have a facial I get told “your skin is dehydrated”, if I go to the midwife she says “your body is dehydrated”, when I walk passed the water dispenser it says “you haven’t been here for a while”. But since I started choosing the bubbly version I consume more. I guess it’s my body missing sparkling wine or champagne. Oh wine… can’t wait to have a new born and fall asleep after a sip of wine at 734 pm.

One thing that crossed my mind though is my dear little baby in the belly. Can I drink too much sparkling water? At one point will he feel like he is in a constant jacuzzi? Is it a Spa kind of feeling or more like a washing machine?

Guess I’ll just have to ask him when he comes out.

Also I can only wear tops one day at the time as the belly is now big and catches everything I spill. Which I pretty much everything I eat.