My hair is full of snot

Don’t ever let your child go to nursery. Or school. Or leave the house. Lock them up and sanitize them. Create a basement and keep them there.

Sorry, no that’s illegal. Pretty sure some Austrians tried already.

Since our little daughter started nursery full time two months ago, we have been sick 5500 times. She is nice like that. She shares her germs. I think we should send our children to nursery and school with gas masks during flu season.

Also, the little one seems to never get it wrong with the weekend starting. “Oh, weekend?” *starts coughing*. This week I haven’t seen the day light since I came home from work Thursday afternoon (our weekends are Friday – Saturday). But I’m sure she will be well again once next weekend ends.

Can anyone tell me what the sun looks like?

And of course, she just has to to lick my face – aka kisses – more when she is sick. Of course I can’t stop kissing her chubby, sick cheeks but I might as well just have her sneeze in my mouth. Which I’m pretty sure she has done a few times… So she gets sick and then I get sick. I get no medication as I’m growing a human being inside of me. But what goes wrong here? Can we at least be tired and sick at the same time? Can I drug my child when I’m sick so I can rest?

My week put in to words

I wanted to share some interesting conversations I had this week. Please feel free to share yours in the comment section.

– saying “no, you can’t climb in the fridge” to my toddler about three times a day. I mean thirty.

– Our lifesaver and babysitter told me that her brother is now a sister and he is happy to take the unopened makeup I have.

– Discussion over the dinner table with my husband that shitting your pants is more common than one would think. I told that when you are pregnant a fart isn’t always a fart. He nodded and said, same when you are guy, but just always. I like that we can talk about everything.

I’ll finish off with some marriage advice from a younger generation:

I can’t wait ..

I’m hoping that this post will generate several positive comments from parents of more than one child saying “Oh, it’s a blast! So easy and refreshing. You won’t even notice that there is one more.”

Slippery little sucker

Do you guys have anything that you feel that you need to stop doing?

I guess we all do ..

For example, I need to stop forgetting things upstairs that needs to be taken downstairs. Especially since it takes me approximately 50 years to go down the stairs with a toodler.

She takes two steps then watches the view (the wall), sit down for a break (need a breather), stops just to laugh at something or to scream at something or just stops to turn around and walk upstairs again (yeay, let’s start over from the beginning you little …….)

Second thing is put oil all over myself and then go to pee. I can explain.

When you are pregnant and getting ready to get yourself in to an elephant state you pretend that oil will save your skin from stretchmarks and looking like one of the characters in The Expendables.

Sure, it’s probably a trick from retail again to ensure we spend our money on unnecessary things in cute bottles that smells good but it feels good to be shiny and slippery.  So I have this routine that I came up with when I expected my first and every night I pretty much drown myself in oil and THEN add the fattest Nivea body lotion I can find. After the process of rubbing it in, I have more layers of protection than a polar bear and would be able to withstand a winter in the North Pole. BUT!

Its at this point I always realise I need to pee.. and people, the damn toilet seat is not meant for a slippery butt. I feel that I should report myself as a “new miss” (if my house had an HSE department) every night. 

 

Occasionally other butts have been hurt in this process. But this butt is hairier and doesn’t slip as easy though.

I think the eggs are done

Almost 14 hours ago, I put on the timer on my phone to keep track while boiling my eggs to the perfect level of eggness (new words I need to put in the English dictionary).

How long do you boil yours for a perfect meal? I normally don’t do 14 hours but when I do, someone mysteriously takes them off the stove and ensured we still have a home.

You are going to miss me when I’m gone

Would you? Did you?

Wow, where did the summer go and how come I forgot I had a blog? So many questions, so few answers. Actually, I have answers. I lost a few brain cells in the process of creating a human being and sleeping. Or as I like to say it, my husband knock me up again. How cool is that!

One good thing about being preggo again is the fact that I need to get fat. I have to eat. The first three months of pregnancy were no good ones so I lost some weight and we all know what that means. More chocolate for me.

Second good thing with pregnancy is that it’s ok to wear tights. I love them. They are so ugly but oh, so comfy. If you are a man and reading this, please do yourself a favor and start wearing women clothing.

I’m wearing these to work tomorrow. Does that mean I get a higher salary?

I don’t know how to peel a banana

It’s true. I was a banana peeling virgin until last week. My whole life I have done my best to stay away from this evil fruit. I don’t like the smell, I don’t like the taste and I just think they are not cool, ok?

My 1,5 year old daughter loves banana. So much that it was one of her first words, to my disgrace. What is wrong with A P P L E. As many first time parents realize, you have to give in on things that you truly believed were right your whole life. She might just be over one year old but toddlers show early signs of dictatorships. Some kids grow out of and some adults still have it.

Me and my daughter was in one of the malls the other day when she got hungry and I thought let’s give her a banana. Not thinking of the peeling challenge. So I picked it up and looked at it. I had no clue where to start and I just held the end of it and made a whipping kind of movement hoping it would just open up nicely. Not so much.

It flew straight to the other table. Landed next to the guy that sat there eating but he was on the phone and didn’t notice. I leaned over and grabbed it and mysteriously it had a little start to an opening on one side. I then began pealing my first banana. Ever.

Still not touching it. Forks are the best.