Wanna play?

What are the rules for which toys are suitable for babies? As long as she doesn’t choke on it I’m pretty sure it’s a good idea to let my imagination go wild. I’m bored of the normal toys. Yes me…not her but I feel that I’m playing with them as much as she is. I have a saying right.

Lately I just put her in to things and pull her around the house or keep her as an accessory in the garden. The other day we pulled out all the kitchen supplies and I’m not sure if the neighbors down in Saudi Arabia heard us but she is not getting a drum set for any of her birthdays. The risk of deportation is just too high.

Mini cocks on sale

These where found in one of the shops by a friend of mine. We are still puzzled and not exactly sure what they are but I’ll get some next time. It’s best quality and all.

Anti-bucket list

All I read about is what people want to do i their life, their goals and dreams. That’s great. Positive and fun. But what I really want to know is what you DONT want to do (again). 

I don’t really regret things. It’s what we do in life that takes us forward. Or backwards. For good or bad. Below is my anti-bucket list. This is what I won’t do again:

  • Tequila race 
  • Eat a big kebab before going on a spinning roller coaster
  • Rescue two cats with diarrhea 
  • Lick an electric fence (yeah, I KNOW! But it was a bet. I won)
  • Ride a motorcycle in shorts
  • Yawn while being on that damn motorcycle (and with a burnt leg). Damn those flies. 

Tell me yours! 

Oh shit kit

During this weekend I have been very productive. One day I went to a Bachelorette party and then spent one day recovering from it. Luckily the bride to be is one heck of a planner and she left every one a little package by the table. She called it an “Oh shit” – kit for the day after. An absolutely fantastic idea! 

It made me realize that I want us to invent an Oh shit kit for life. Just after being born I want babies to get this package as a gift together with a little note. It will say something like:

“Oh, hello little one! Welcome to life. Sorry about the claustrophobic experience you just went through. However you feel right now I can assure you that your mum feels worse. I hope you will enjoy it out here on Earth. We have put a few things together to make you feel welcome. Please enjoy the fresh milk first and when you feel up for it we can go through the list.” 

The package would contain the following: 

  • First of all a filter. This will just filter all the bullshit you will hear. Don’t take notice of assholes. 
  • Mints. Because you will enjoy good food in life and with good food comes garlic. And you still want friends so..
  • SPF. The sun is nice but harsh. Your skin is soft and smooth. So far. Wait a few years and you will mistake your own feet for sandpaper. Or whoever you are sharing bed with will.
  • A dog. Because you need a pet. Everyone that can should have something furry at home to hug. Your unshaved whatever doesn’t count. You can get a hairy partner if you are allergic. 
  • Books. Read and learn because whatever happens to you in life nobody can ever take away knowledge or experience. My husband laughs at the fact that I moved huge boxes of books from country to country when I moved around. 

  • A pair of running shoes. Get your ass moving weekly. Run to the hills, walk through the forest or just get the hell away from places really quick. Your heart will thank you. 
  • A happy place. Feel free to choose location yourself. To start with we have chosen two pair of boobs for you. You will grow out of this hopefully but some boys chooses to keep this as a happy place through life. My happy place used to be the stable. I been horse riding for many years and spent most of my childhood cuddling ponies and shuffling shit. That stuff makes me happy. 

What would you put in your Oh Shit kit ?

Trick or trick

I didn’t really celebrate Halloween when I was a kid. We knew what it was but didn’t go trick or treat and we didn’t decorate. Fast forward about 100 years (that’s how old I feel) and I’m knocking my head in to freakin spider webs everywhere and falling over pumpkins all over the neighborhood. 

I realize with great horror that today is the big trick or treat night and with a baby in the house I have one thing on my to do list today: Figure out how to disconnect the door bell. If someone rings on the door just when I put her to sleep, the kids will see a real monster. Trick all the way, little kids! Bring it on. Hope you don’t mind to be chased down the street by a naked mum. Now that will teach them scary. 

What in the world are you talking about?

Whats your geography skills like? Its super cool to have readers from all over the globe and some countries have better reputation on that subject than others *cough….USofA*. When I lived in the States I was constantly addressed as the Swiss girl. I tried to explain that Sweden is not Switzerland but after 5000 times or so I gave up and just agreed to know everything about watches, cheese and non understandable German. I even considered starting my morning with a little yodel towards the non existing mountains outside my window in Connecticut. Maybe yodeling is an Austrian thing actually…? Anyway, mountain as mountain right. No offense Swiss readers. I love Toblerone but your language is HARD! 

A few years ago when I lived in Doha, Qatar, a girl was hired to help me with administration at work. We were shipping items from all over the world and talking a lot to international clients. We always made small talk to get to know one another and she asked me a lot about Sweden. Without really thinking further I pointed at the world map on the wall behind her and said “so you know where Sweden is right”. She looked at me and said “yes, of course. It’s kind of close to Mexico”. I could tell she wasn’t joking. She looked at me confused when I smiled and said that it wasn’t even close. She said “I’m sure it was in Europe so I just figured it was close to Mexico somewhere”. I just heard the sound in my head from the game show Jeopardy when you answer wrong, loudly ringing in my ear. 

Where do you start after that ..

I discovered she knew the country she was from and Qatar. That was about it. So every day when I entered the office I started to randomly shout out a country name that she needed to find on the map and learn. Sometimes I lied and made places up like Karakastan, Miso soup (she caught me on that one), Lovepotania just to make sure she was kept on her toes. I was teaching her a whole lot about the countries in the world and I hope she has some kind of use for it today as well. 

This experience was during my first months as an expat in Qatar. I just assumed that people not knowing things I took for granted as common knowledge, were just being ignorant considering the western world has such easy access to all kind of information. Suddenly I was surrounded by people from parts of Asia where they are happy if they can afford education. I had some fantastic and funny discussions and this was one of the turning points for me. I had to stop thinking everyone is the same. In the western world we take so much for granted. Education, human rights, gender equality (well..), high living standard etc. Living abroad has taught be to be so much more grateful for what I have and where I come from. I also learnt a lot about people and communication and that when a person from Sri Lanka says the food is not spicy, they are lying. 

Pep talk

Ok guys, we need to wrap up this meeting. I got places to be. Anyone have any questions? Toothless, Fury Rabbit… anyone? 

Ok, then. Same time, same place tomorrow. Don’t be late.