Outfit of the day

When you are a viking and want to tell the neighborhood not to mess with you.

Or maybe you live in Dubai and don’t have any proper winter clothes and have to use a hat that your mum might have bought for Masquerade.

Naughty penguin of the month

I sent the below picture to my boss as an example of what I would like to have in the office to encourage good manners and point out bad behavior. I haven’t received any reply back yet. I’m aiming for the good penguin award of the month and I’m really excited about my award. It’s probably a raw fish. I’m Scandinavian (meaning viking, meaning sailor) so obviously that would be the highlight of the year. Fish is life.

You are in trouble, Timmy…

On duty

She finally brushed her self off and got a job. About time she starts providing for the family.

Watch out on the roads and make sure she turns on the taximeter. Don’t believe her when she promises that “this is the fastest route, sir.”

Camel toe

Beauty doesn’t discriminate. Even the camels aren’t safe.

In the newspaper earlier this weeks we could read about the camel beauty festival (because..of course there is one!) in Saudi where several camels were disqualified because they had used Botox. Gosh, these camels…don’t they know that’s breaking the rules!

Well, since the prize money is almost 32 million USD I guess the competition is crucial… The judges are looking at size of the hump, of course..size of lips and jaw, size of head and color of the coat. It all sounds very horrible. Poor animals. Even a veterinarian was caught cheating as her performed plastic surgery on some camels.

Normally camels are a big deal in the Middle East. If you hit a camel with your car, as they do wonder of occasionally or wild ones comes too close to the road, you are in for a huge penalty from the police. Buying a camel can cost you several hundred thousands of USD.

And just a thought. If you were a camel, surely you would just bleach you teeth.

https://www.thenational.ae/world/gcc/saudi-camel-beauty-festival-12-entrants-disqualified-for-botox-use-1.698068

You didn’t burn the beer

31 year old artist Eli Rezkallah has made an artwork called “In a parallel universe” where he has changed the women to men in some (brutal) gender typical ads from the 20s.

Some things change and some things don’t..

Source: buzzfeed

A little bit of mooning

There are several interesting challenges with living in the ME. Some stuff are really interesting and some thing I would describe with a whole other set of adjectives. It all comes with the expat package. Getting used to sand everywhere is one thing and learning how to be extremely spontaneous is another one. When I tell people that we plan our vacations depending on the moon they usually don’t believe me but this is actually the reality.

After several years in the Middle East region I have learnt that the moon is my friend and that I have to patiently wait for him to show his face in a way that remind me of the beginning of a date night with my husband. Will he be ready to come out today? Or will it be tomorrow? Will he be full or half? Thankfully my husband always shows up in full.

Most planning looks like above. Doesn’t matter if it’s corporate or a school, you won’t know your holidays until a few days before. And you thought it was difficult to plan vacation every year? Try booking a trip over the Eid celebration (holidays after Ramadan) which is usually three days, when you don’t know when they will fall exactly. You might be lucky and you have booked your flight perfectly on the day you are off (the moon is on your side) but if you are not, you better hope you have vacation days left and that your boss will approve them.

The holidays are announced publicly online a day or two before they are suppose to start depending on the lunar sighting.

Vomit on my foot and tell me that you love me

Happy weekend ya’all! Hope it’s relaxing and fun and whatever. Enjoy it while it last. I’m speaking from the future. Mine is already over as we work Sundays to Thursdays in this part of the world. Actually crazy Saudi Arabia has weekends on Thursdays and Fridays.

Yesterday I was hanging out with a little missy that vomited on my foot. It was warm and nice and I took a picture of course. The suspect is in the background. Parents take nice pictures and share. I guess the kind of pictures you sent to each other as couples change through the years. It’s used to be oh, hey look at my ass. Now it’s more Oh, my god babe, did you see this poop explosion she had in the mall. Must be a world record. What’s for dinner tonight? xx.

Golfing elephant?

My colleague told me she was hanging out with her nephews six and eight years old, during Christmas and they had some good conversations. This one was my favorite

Six year old comes running.

Child: listen.. LISTEN .. I got a joke to tell you.

Adult: Cool, tell me.. TELL me.

Child: WHY does the elephant wear two pairs of pants?

Adult: Hmm.. can it be because he has four legs..?

Child: Noooooooo! Its because he has a hole-in-one!

Adult: Ok.. Did you mean to say why does the GOLFER wear two pairs of pants?

Child: Aaah yeah, damn it.

The picture is of someone (ok me..) that felt like an elephant playing golf. I was four months pregnant and felt h u g e. Funny to look back at it now and think that I had no clue how good I looked there and elephant size was about to come. This was more like chubby little dog compared to a few months later.