There is a always a diet that I won’t be on

When you go shopping with your husband and your toddler..

– One of them wants to eat low carbs, high fat, but preferably just bacon and cheese and beer, high chocolate and no excercise. Occasionally a tomato and lots of caffein.

– The other one don’t want to eat anything but breadsticks and watermelon, if I’m lucky. Preferably she just want to chew on paper and her own shoes but hopefully an attentive parent will notice before it goes down. The other day she was on her way to treat herself with some dog food but mostly we are on a hunger streak.

I guess that means that all food is for me. I’m on a high carb, high fat, high and no lows what so ever diet.

You are welcome

My friend just had a little baby a few days ago and it’s so fantastic, beautiful and overwhelming. I have therefore prepared some unsolicited advice for new parents. This also goes for babysitters.

On duty

She finally brushed her self off and got a job. About time she starts providing for the family.

Watch out on the roads and make sure she turns on the taximeter. Don’t believe her when she promises that “this is the fastest route, sir.”

A little bit of mooning

There are several interesting challenges with living in the ME. Some stuff are really interesting and some thing I would describe with a whole other set of adjectives. It all comes with the expat package. Getting used to sand everywhere is one thing and learning how to be extremely spontaneous is another one. When I tell people that we plan our vacations depending on the moon they usually don’t believe me but this is actually the reality.

After several years in the Middle East region I have learnt that the moon is my friend and that I have to patiently wait for him to show his face in a way that remind me of the beginning of a date night with my husband. Will he be ready to come out today? Or will it be tomorrow? Will he be full or half? Thankfully my husband always shows up in full.

Most planning looks like above. Doesn’t matter if it’s corporate or a school, you won’t know your holidays until a few days before. And you thought it was difficult to plan vacation every year? Try booking a trip over the Eid celebration (holidays after Ramadan) which is usually three days, when you don’t know when they will fall exactly. You might be lucky and you have booked your flight perfectly on the day you are off (the moon is on your side) but if you are not, you better hope you have vacation days left and that your boss will approve them.

The holidays are announced publicly online a day or two before they are suppose to start depending on the lunar sighting.

Vomit on my foot and tell me that you love me

Happy weekend ya’all! Hope it’s relaxing and fun and whatever. Enjoy it while it last. I’m speaking from the future. Mine is already over as we work Sundays to Thursdays in this part of the world. Actually crazy Saudi Arabia has weekends on Thursdays and Fridays.

Yesterday I was hanging out with a little missy that vomited on my foot. It was warm and nice and I took a picture of course. The suspect is in the background. Parents take nice pictures and share. I guess the kind of pictures you sent to each other as couples change through the years. It’s used to be oh, hey look at my ass. Now it’s more Oh, my god babe, did you see this poop explosion she had in the mall. Must be a world record. What’s for dinner tonight? xx.

Golfing elephant?

My colleague told me she was hanging out with her nephews six and eight years old, during Christmas and they had some good conversations. This one was my favorite

Six year old comes running.

Child: listen.. LISTEN .. I got a joke to tell you.

Adult: Cool, tell me.. TELL me.

Child: WHY does the elephant wear two pairs of pants?

Adult: Hmm.. can it be because he has four legs..?

Child: Noooooooo! Its because he has a hole-in-one!

Adult: Ok.. Did you mean to say why does the GOLFER wear two pairs of pants?

Child: Aaah yeah, damn it.

The picture is of someone (ok me..) that felt like an elephant playing golf. I was four months pregnant and felt h u g e. Funny to look back at it now and think that I had no clue how good I looked there and elephant size was about to come. This was more like chubby little dog compared to a few months later.

Flower power daddy

The other day was Fathers Day in Sweden. It feels like it’s a “parents day” every other day as an expat. We have the UAE one, there’s a UK one, Swedish one and an American one and I’m sure a million others. Anyone with a flower shop in Dubai is making loads of money considering we are about 200 different nationalities here.

My dad is in the middle of fixing the kitchen in his house back home in Sweden and I thought a big bouquet of flowers would make a nice change to the messy place. I clicked on the “large” size as I ordered them online and I guess they kept their promise. He was complaining he can’t see out of the window.

Shit no one tells you

I haven’t read any books lately as there is not much time for that luxury. Well, if you don’t count those squeezy children’s books about snails and bananas. If I do read something it means mostly going online and googling things like “why cant I lick my elbow”, “is it dangerous to wash makeup off with acetone instead of makeup remover. Asking for a friend.” 

I do have some books that I find interesting and wish I had time to read. The first one: How not to hate your husband after kids. Found this in a book store the other day and it appealed to me considering how many times I thought that exact sentence in my head. I might have expressed it too and that’s why my husband don’t mind to do the night feedings anymore. Win/win. I’m happy and well rested = he gets to live. 


Next book: The shit no one tells you. I actually read this book when I was pregnant and I had time on my hands. This is when I learned that my life would officially be over once the baby had been squeezed out. I also learnt that I would talk about poop more than anything and never sleep again. That was a nice and positive book that made me cross my legs. (Yeah I know, too late right… )


Calm the fuck down – parenting technique. I would love to read this oneI’m pretty calm as a parent but I might keep a few extra copies in my bag to hand out occasionally. I’m sure I would make many new friends on the playgrounds.