There is a always a diet that I won’t be on

When you go shopping with your husband and your toddler..

– One of them wants to eat low carbs, high fat, but preferably just bacon and cheese and beer, high chocolate and no excercise. Occasionally a tomato and lots of caffein.

– The other one don’t want to eat anything but breadsticks and watermelon, if I’m lucky. Preferably she just want to chew on paper and her own shoes but hopefully an attentive parent will notice before it goes down. The other day she was on her way to treat herself with some dog food but mostly we are on a hunger streak.

I guess that means that all food is for me. I’m on a high carb, high fat, high and no lows what so ever diet.

My hair is full of snot

Don’t ever let your child go to nursery. Or school. Or leave the house. Lock them up and sanitize them. Create a basement and keep them there.

Sorry, no that’s illegal. Pretty sure some Austrians tried already.

Since our little daughter started nursery full time two months ago, we have been sick 5500 times. She is nice like that. She shares her germs. I think we should send our children to nursery and school with gas masks during flu season.

Also, the little one seems to never get it wrong with the weekend starting. “Oh, weekend?” *starts coughing*. This week I haven’t seen the day light since I came home from work Thursday afternoon (our weekends are Friday – Saturday). But I’m sure she will be well again once next weekend ends.

Can anyone tell me what the sun looks like?

And of course, she just has to to lick my face – aka kisses – more when she is sick. Of course I can’t stop kissing her chubby, sick cheeks but I might as well just have her sneeze in my mouth. Which I’m pretty sure she has done a few times… So she gets sick and then I get sick. I get no medication as I’m growing a human being inside of me. But what goes wrong here? Can we at least be tired and sick at the same time? Can I drug my child when I’m sick so I can rest?

I can’t wait ..

I’m hoping that this post will generate several positive comments from parents of more than one child saying “Oh, it’s a blast! So easy and refreshing. You won’t even notice that there is one more.”

To Recycle or To Reconsider ?

A friend of mine kindly send me these pictures and now I can’t sleep. Which is good considering I’m going to work.

A Facebook group called “Recycle, Reuse, Restore” posted the brilliant idea of how to use old dolls as indoor plant accessory instead of throwing them away when your kids don’t want them anymore.

All I here is Sting “…every step you take, every breath you make, I’ll be watching you…”

The poop diaries and a weekend stroll

* Public service announcement for sensitive people. This post contains poop. If you are eating, please continue to read *

Ignore that. It was me being mean. The poop part is true though. I therefore put in a nice picture of flower. To start of positive. You can stop reading now and enjoy your day. If you are feeling brave. Please continue.

One of the exciting new things that you get to experience as a new parent is the presence of poop. Discussions of poop. And smelling of poop. Before I had children I would wonder about the obsession from parents about this subject and the extremely annoying smelling of the babies butt.

Without giving away too many details, this is now my reality. Yesterday during a barbecue my husband smelled my daughters butt about five times during two minutes. Just to make sure. Was there something? Maybe. Maybe not? But I’m sure I smelled something. Or was it just a fart? It was like a freakin wine tasting with a twist.

To add to my life of poop, I adopted a rescue dog from the streets of Dubai. Well, I found her under a car, shaking like a little leaf, is more like the truth. After a few days she decided to come out. I saw she had a heart shape pattern on her forehead and decided she was mine. That’s adoption. I think.

This morning when I was walking with my baby in the stroller. Who just had a change of pajama as she needed to poop all over herself just before we left the house for the walk. My dog suddenly decided to squat down doggie style right outside a huge mansion with a design of absolutely – nothing – except – gold – is – good – as a drive way theme. Yeah, it’s a Dubai thing. Believe me, you can find anything here. A house a few streets down has a water slide from the first floor down to the pool. Now that’s a quick wake up for you folks (I decided it’s a bedroom next to the start of the slide).

My dear dog decided to do an impressive pile of yellow diarrhea right on the drive way, just at the same time as I noticed I didn’t have any poop bags with me. I had to take a small ziplock bag which I had a sandwich in, remove the content and stick my hand in. The bag was too small for my hand. The poop was not solid enough to stay in the bag. Everything was becoming a mess and I was trying my best to turn the bag inside out, it all ended up on my hand. I made a noice. I think it’s the same noice people do before they die. And left my child and dog standing looking at me, I ran for the closest garbage bin and got rid of the bag. I saw a trail of poop had followed me the whole way. If I would faint someone would be able to follow the trace to a beaten human being. Beaten by poop.

We left the crime scene even messier than I found it. There was nothing I could do. I noticed the smell was still there and I looked down and saw that the handle of the dogs leash was still covered in poo from my hand and it was now all over the stroller as well. I took out all 500 wipes and started cleaning. After a package of wipes I was defeated. The smell had to stay. We walked home.

And the time was 650 am. Another great day has started.

The guilty one. Don’t believe her innocent eyes. She can poop like a whole zoo.

Hug me back

Sometimes you just want to express you love. For balls. Million balls. All of them. At the same time.

I buy, I eat

Happy Easter folks! How are you celebrating?

For us in Dubai, Easter is like celebrating at home but slightly warmer. Hiding chocolate eggs in the garden requires precision and fast kids in order to avoid any melting disappointments.

And on that subject. Disappointment. My husband came home the other day with a box of chocolate and was bragging about what a gentleman he is, getting me an Easter and all. He smiled at me while he carried it in to the kitchen. “For you my love”.

Now you are thinking, how thoughtful he is.

So did I. Until this morning when I discovered this:

I looked up and over at my husband and asked him what happened.. He just said “I saved you some”.

Wanna play?

What are the rules for which toys are suitable for babies? As long as she doesn’t choke on it I’m pretty sure it’s a good idea to let my imagination go wild. I’m bored of the normal toys. Yes me…not her but I feel that I’m playing with them as much as she is. I have a saying right.

Lately I just put her in to things and pull her around the house or keep her as an accessory in the garden. The other day we pulled out all the kitchen supplies and I’m not sure if the neighbors down in Saudi Arabia heard us but she is not getting a drum set for any of her birthdays. The risk of deportation is just too high.

How babies express love

Sometimes my child looks at me like she wants to chew my face. I take it as she is hungry or a new tooth is coming. Or she is a sociopath. She has so much from her dad. 

She has a new hobby that we call The Hook and it’s goes a little something like this:

You need one big nose (an adult will do). One baby fist with long finger nails that nobody dares to cut. The baby sits just above your head as you lay down and her fingers goes in to your nose and gets STUCK. It’s called lock and pull. Baby now pulls her fingers upwards against herself making you look like a pig in pain. This is extremely fun to watch if you are like me and get very entertained by other people getting hurt. 

And then we just have the normal nose grab. When you think you go in for a cuddle and want to take a cute picture. Occasionally you get a foot in your face at the same time.