You are welcome

My friend just had a little baby a few days ago and it’s so fantastic, beautiful and overwhelming. I have therefore prepared some unsolicited advice for new parents. This also goes for babysitters.

Outfit of the day

When you are a viking and want to tell the neighborhood not to mess with you.

Or maybe you live in Dubai and don’t have any proper winter clothes and have to use a hat that your mum might have bought for Masquerade.

People, there has been a gas leak!

A few months ago when I was on maternity leave and occasionally opened the door to discover exciting things outside the house like trees and air. I also saw people that had time to shower, ants and there was (still) a  pretty sky. One day I went to one of those “new mama and baby meetings”. I don’t remember any of it as I sat starring at the wall and sleeping with my eyes open. 

These meetings are in a very busy building with a consulate on the top floor which means the elevators are crowded constantly and you have to squeeze in and feel like you are being humped by the person behind you. And this is without a stroller. So when the elevator actually arrives you need to run and do the demolition walk with your baby. This means you just push the stroller in front of you and pretend you don’t see anyone. If someone is trying to step in front of you, you just look the other way and just keep on walking and then do the the tired-mummy look and say “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry” and pretend you that you care. My stroller is like an off road version with extra wide wheels as well. I guess when we bought it we just didn’t know when we would end up chasing camels in very deep sand in the desert with a baby and stroller. (Modern beduism?)

After the mummy meeting me and baby managed to get a spot in an elevator on its way down. We squeezed in with people in suits or tiny little dresses and people that had combed their hair. My daughter was laying in the stroller awake and looking at the people. They were looking back and smiled and I was like yeah, I made that. 

The elevator was dead quiet and suddenly my daughter farted something that could break the sound wall in to space. Even she looked surprised and a little scared. A little bit like you do the day after you had a spicy curry. I started laughing and looked up but everyone was just quietly looking away and pretended it didn’t happened. Ok, we are ignoring baby farts even though it almost started an earthquake. Fine by me. They obviously didn’t spend their day with poop and breastmilk leaks like I did. I was still smiling and looking around to see if anyone (come on, ANYONE?) would look back at me with a little smile. 

Nop.

I don’t know but they might be outside of their homes more then twice a week and are entertained by other stuff. 


The look of I heard something loud !