My hair is full of snot

Don’t ever let your child go to nursery. Or school. Or leave the house. Lock them up and sanitize them. Create a basement and keep them there.

Sorry, no that’s illegal. Pretty sure some Austrians tried already.

Since our little daughter started nursery full time two months ago, we have been sick 5500 times. She is nice like that. She shares her germs. I think we should send our children to nursery and school with gas masks during flu season.

Also, the little one seems to never get it wrong with the weekend starting. “Oh, weekend?” *starts coughing*. This week I haven’t seen the day light since I came home from work Thursday afternoon (our weekends are Friday – Saturday). But I’m sure she will be well again once next weekend ends.

Can anyone tell me what the sun looks like?

And of course, she just has to to lick my face – aka kisses – more when she is sick. Of course I can’t stop kissing her chubby, sick cheeks but I might as well just have her sneeze in my mouth. Which I’m pretty sure she has done a few times… So she gets sick and then I get sick. I get no medication as I’m growing a human being inside of me. But what goes wrong here? Can we at least be tired and sick at the same time? Can I drug my child when I’m sick so I can rest?

Happy New (food) year

Happy New Year all! Did you learn anything 2017? No, probably not right. Nothing much more than everyone is stressing about ripples and bitcoin and what else I couldn’t care less about. Everyone is my office is running around like they got fire in their asses, yelling out random numbers, buy…sell… yo, shuv it up your….

I didn’t mean to sound negative but yeah, I did. And I just had a very bad lunch. I normally sit two hours before lunch and fantasize about how good it will be (how sad is this?) and then I ended up with a dry freakin sandwich which made me think it was made in the desert…. oh, wait…. it was.

A few of my colleagues are also comparing tattoos. They are all symbols of something meaningful like a dragon for some Chinese dude (yes, surprise right!), one has a tree that symbolize the state she is from and someone has their flag. I just feel that all tattoos are “taken” BUT if we are all inking symbols then I’m doing a Swedish meatball. Or mint ice cream.

Because food is everything.

Trick or trick

I didn’t really celebrate Halloween when I was a kid. We knew what it was but didn’t go trick or treat and we didn’t decorate. Fast forward about 100 years (that’s how old I feel) and I’m knocking my head in to freakin spider webs everywhere and falling over pumpkins all over the neighborhood. 

I realize with great horror that today is the big trick or treat night and with a baby in the house I have one thing on my to do list today: Figure out how to disconnect the door bell. If someone rings on the door just when I put her to sleep, the kids will see a real monster. Trick all the way, little kids! Bring it on. Hope you don’t mind to be chased down the street by a naked mum. Now that will teach them scary. 

I like big butts and I cannot lie – NO I don’t 

When you have a very wide ass I’m sure that things knocking in to you doesn’t really bother you. Perhaps it feels good. It might just be feel like a little pinch and for a very brief moment you are wondering if a tiny little bug bit you somewhere but then again, no. If you are bothered you might even look around for that little bug as well. 

Anything to the right? Nop!  

Anything to the left? Nop!

Hmm, what was it?

It was ME and my HUGE stroller that you actually saw coming on your right side but you chosed to ignore and instead you turned left, walked two steps and bent down to tie your shoe right in front of me. You stopped like it was a freaking crash on the high way and you had to brake for your life. You stopped like there was no tomorrow. You stopped like the aisle wasn’t almost 10 meters wide and absolutely no other people close by…..except for me. 10 meters of excessive, empty space for you to bend down on. 

Rant over.

Ok, done.