You are welcome

My friend just had a little baby a few days ago and it’s so fantastic, beautiful and overwhelming. I have therefore prepared some unsolicited advice for new parents. This also goes for babysitters.

Woman vs Saluki, 1 – 0 Woman vs Biker, 0 – 0

This week the 30 days fitness challenge in Dubai has started. This is to encourage people to get off their butts and exercise at least 30 minutes per day for 30 days. I signed up together with my dog. My dog had absolutely nothing to say about the decision and is currently wondering why I hate her. I told her during our run this morning that she is a Saluki and that she is suppose to run. Her lean little body has the look of something that is suppose to be fast. She laid down in the grass ten minutes in to the run and said she is part bulldog and don’t agree with this challenge. That’s a lie. She is just a lazy dog who wants to lay in the sun, order a cold drink and soak it up. 

But the fact is she is a desert dog. My colleague found her under a car about a year ago when I was heavily pregnant and motherly and thought getting a dog just a few weeks before the baby would arrive was a great idea. Who could resist those puppy eyes. A small thought back in my head said “don’t get a saluki, she will tear down the house if she doesn’t get to run 10 km per day”. And me being the size of a few watermelons knew there would be no freakin running if it wasn’t to the bathroom. 

As usual I didn’t listen. Not even to myself.  She sure likes to take walks but I think the fact that we have been busy with a little baby has gotten her slightly lazy. Now after eight months I’m suddenly asking her to run and she is not having any of it. I told her there are no freakin excuses. We continued running and suddenly she jumped to the side like a kangaroo. I had my earplugs in with some lame running music to make sure I kept going and I didn’t notice that a woman on a bike tried to pass us from behind. So woman on bike passes us and my dog gets scared and jumps right in to her. Woman on bike falls. I’m in my own world with background music very loud in my ears. I’m just pretending I’m finishing the last 200 meters of a Maraton. People are cheering in the arena. I’m the star runner. “Run to the hills…”. I’m running for my life. In shock (I think…?) I looked at her quickly, said Ooops and kept running. For the hills again. After a few steps I realize I’m and idiot and there is a woman behind me on the grass probably swearing at me and I stop and turn around. She is still there on the grass. Fuck. I go back to apologize, ready to get yelled at. But she just waves off and says whatever. I guess she realized that biking on a running trail is not a good idea. I keep on telling myself this the whole way around the track. That it was her own fault. Not mine or my kangaroo dog. Thank God she was rude so I didn’t need to feel bad. She was rude for falling of the bike. Not me. I’m just finishing my imaginary marathon of three kilometers. 

Strap it on and get it on

TRX is a work out. Im just clarifying that if you, like me, thought it was some kind of dinosaur. And when my trainer asked my group “have any of you done a TRX session before” I thought to ask if that was a trick question because no, I don’t feel like that about animals and I’m pretty sure that’s illegal even though they are all dead since a million years.

TRX is supposedly for the cool kids on the gym block. You put straps on to something like a wall or a door and then work with your own body weight. You pretty much pull yourself up in different directions and hope that you keep balance and that the strap holds you up and don’t let go. Because if they let go, they will break your face. 

If you have a mean Spanish teacher that tells you that you are a fuss and need to put straps on your freaking feet (!) you might end up falling graciously to the ground and yell “I wanna go home!”

I didn’t fall as I have awesome balance. Gracious like a tanker truck. My trainer told me “that in e Spanish e , I say you are strong as vinegar”. Apparently a good thing. Apparently also a joke. I don’t have any muscles.